I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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