I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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