we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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