Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
