I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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