I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
