Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
