hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize