I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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