So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
