are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
