i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
