Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
