You smell like stripper and shame
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize