we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sober January is a disaster.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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