so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
