Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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