Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
