I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
