If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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