mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
BRING THE BAGELS
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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