I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
