69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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