But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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