my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
