I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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