My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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