so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
