i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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