an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Drunk is not a location!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize