The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
