one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
