she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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