She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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