I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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