saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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