how can u be prego again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
