We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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