just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
