dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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