you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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