Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize