no, he came in my armpit
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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