I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
