It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
