You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize