Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
