After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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