no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
