Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
