you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
