If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
