I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
