before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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