Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
