No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
