I got chris browned last night
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
