I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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