just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize