My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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