Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
