Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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