I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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