ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
