whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Girls should come with a carfax report
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
