a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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