She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
