i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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