just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
