big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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