hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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