he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
