Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
