What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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